Missing My Memaw

My Memaw passed away yesterday afternoon. We all knew that it was only a matter of time, but I think we were hoping that she'd at least be able to come home from the hospital for the holidays. I'm in such a state of disbelief about it all.

We got the call yesterday that her blood still wasn't absorbing as much oxygen as it should considering she was on a trach ventilator and that the tube wasn't staying put. They said she would need another surgery to put the tube back in place. My Pepaw decided that it was time to let her go. She hadn't regained consciousness since being admitted a few weeks ago. Her body was slowly letting go. The whole family met up at the hospital to say our goodbyes before they took her off the vent.

She is the first close family member I've had to say goodbye to. She was my first babysitter. We lived next door to each other for most of the time I was growing up. She taught me how to cross stitch. She was an amazing cook, a wonderful mother of 6 and a strong woman; the glue that held our family together.

I just can't believe she is gone.

After she had taken her last breath, we all gathered in her room and just stood there crying. My mother is taking this all very hard and she looked at me and said "She's never going to get to hold that sweet baby of yours."

But she will get to do something that none of us have. She gets to see Jesus. She gets to be in God's presence. She gets to hold my Baby Opal until I get there.

Memaw had all these songs she used to sing as she'd rock the new babies in the family to sleep. It was always a tradition to let her sit with those babies for hours on end. They would instantly fall asleep or stop being fussy the moment she started singing. And now, I can imagine her in Heaven rocking my sweet Opal to sleep, singing her sweet song of made up words and patting her back.

God, I miss them both so much.

I covet your thoughts and prayers during this time. On top of dealing with our own grief, we also have to worry about my "uncle" Morgan. He's 10 years old and autistic. He's not really my uncle, but my grandparents have had custody of him since he was a baby. Memaw and Pepaw are the only parents he has ever known. We don't know exactly how all of this is going to affect him yet. He has very specific routines and when things change he doesn't handle it very well. I worry for him. I worry for all of us.

I love you, Memaw.